Love Me and My Saw
by Aquenee
Summary: Vexen appears to be getting stuck in some rather strange situations with the other Organization members, particularly trapped by their love. Psycho Roxas does not approve. Some...disturbing/gory scenes?
1. Love Me and My Saw

No, none of this is supposed to make sense. I couldn't stand not writing, but I had absolutely no ideas, so I just kinda let all my ideas randomly flow into this. I'd rather not have crit as this is not how I usually write at all, and has a lot less effort put into it.

Demyx and Xiggy's song is Turning Japanese - The Vapors.

* * *

Living in the Castle, Vexen had come to expect the unexpected and unexpect the expected, to let absolutely nothing surprise him.  
However, that was rather difficult to apply to the situation when you find yourself in a eye-meltingly pink dress. And even more so upon discovering that the strange, uncomfortable pressure against you was caused by six rubber ducks stuffed into said dress.

"What the hell." was the only words he could bring himself to say, the scientist awkwardly attempting to remove the rubber animals. Of course, this was a hard task for the fat, fluffy bear-paw gloves that he quickly tossed off in disgust. They hit the cold, white marble floor without a sound. One by one, six little yellow birds did the same, except making a light squeaking sound as they collided with the ground and bounced once or twice.

Vexen then took his time to examine the peculiar dress he had found himself in. It was rather constricting and small, creating even more difficulty in trying to find a way to get it off. Soon enough, he gave up, and snapped his fingers. A chilling sensation pressed against him, freezing and chilling the dress until it was frozen solid, weighing down on the scientist. Taking a deep breath, Vexen found the weakest point in the ice and hit, shattering the used-to-be dress into a thousand sparkling, cold shards, leaving the scientist with what he was born with.

Sighing and shaking his head, he made his way over to a close closet in his room. It was more than likely Xigbar or Demyx, or both, that had set up this strange morning for him. He'd yell at them about it, later. For now, he had to check on a potion that he needed to let sitting out last night.

He pulled open the closet door, expecting to find an extra change of clothes somewhere.

"SURPRISE!" a familiar, hyperactive brunette shouted, attempting to jump out of the closet. The melodious nocturne quickly fell face-first into the floor, having gotten his foot caught between a mass of old clothes hangers, which were unfortunately flung out alongside him. Vexen jumped to the side, easily dodging the flying hangers and turning to glare suspiciously at his closet's intruder.

"Oww..." Demyx whined, lifting his head and gently rubbing his cheek, that had unfortunately collided with the floor and now stung with a numb pain. "Hi, Vexy." he managed to wave his hand cheerfully at the scientist, not at all acknowledging his state of clothing. Vexen put a hand to his forehead, shaking his head disapprovingly. "Get out of my closet." he ordered without hesitation, just wanting to get the nocturne away, "And don't put me in any more dresses." he added with a brisk growl.

Vexen grabbed the nocturne by the arms and pulled, dragging Demyx out of the closet so that he could go around and reach the tiny room himself. He began looking it over for something to wear. He turned to look back at the water-elemental, making sure he was at least on his way to leaving. Sure enough, Demyx had stood, but he was only watching Vexen mess around in the closet with an odd grin. "What?" Vexen asked, looking back to the closet.

"HELLO!" A certain sharpshooter was now standing in the middle of the closet, only inches from Vexen's face. For some reason, he was holding a jet-black guitar in his hands. Either way, the scientist jumped at the sudden new sight, taking at least two steps back from Xigbar. "Wha.." Vexen muttered, glancing between the nocturne and the sharpshooter, both of which smiling happily at him.

"We wanna sing you a love song, Vexy~!" Demyx cheered happily, running over to stand at the doorway of the closet with the black-and-white haired pirate. Vexen raised an eyebrow. Already, this day was turning out very much more awkward than he would have hoped. He sighed as Xigbar started up the song, playing less than decently. Demyx joined in soon, almost making up for it with his voice. Almost.

"I got your picture~ Of me and you~!"

Vexen didn't recognize the song, not that he really wanted to. Of course, he had to listen or else these two would follow him all day trying to sing their song. "You wrote 'I love you'~ I wrote 'me too'~!" Part of Vexen wanted to cut them off and ask why it was a love song in the first place, but he decided against it, glancing over to the clock on the wall. "...I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so~!..."

The song continued for a while. When the two finally finished, Vexen only gave a nod. "Yeah, good job." he said, knowing that, as usual, the two would give a light bow and run off with a smile on their faces. And they did. Finally, the scientist could get some clothes and continue with his day, which would hopefully go as usual.

Quickly zipping up his large, black coat, Vexen quickly left his room, emerging in the hallway of the Castle. As it seemed, there was only one other person walking throughout the halls at that time. The young, blonde boy, whose key Vexen longed so much to study. He could learn so much about the keybearer Sora just through Roxas. Of course, the boy was more than terrified of the thought of being alone in a room with the scientist.

Sighing, Vexen turned to make his way toward his lab, in the same direction that the key of destiny was coming from. He noticed Roxas freeze in place as the boy noticed Vexen, just as he usually did if he wasn't with Axel or Xion at the time. Vexen walked up, stopping a few feet from the boy and watching him with icy green eyes. A few seconds of strange silence passed before the key of destiny couldn't take it. "H-Have you seen Xion, Vexen?" he asked, blue eyes turned away from the scientist.

Vexen thought for a moment. The last time he had seen Xion was last night, as Luxord had been bugging her to play a game of cards with him. He repeated this to the blonde boy. "O-Okay. Thanks, Vexy." the boy thanked him, and both of them suddenly halted into yet another strange, guilty silence. Roxas could feel the scientist's cold glare burning into him, but he refused to look. "Vexy?" Vexen asked with a sly, mocking smile. The only one who ever referred to him as that was Demyx, who used such names for everyone.

"...Vexen." the boy corrected himself. He was noticeably blushing, which made Vexen chuckle and shake his head. "Numbers two and nine serenaded me, earlier." he added, realizing Roxas probably felt uncomfortable with the situation. His expression was very quickly replaced with confusion and curiosity as he heard a low growl rumble from the boy's throat before he took off, sprinting away.

"Huh." Vexen questioned, deciding to resume his day. He continued on down the hall, coming closer and closer to his lab. Before he could reach it, he stopped, entranced by a new, strange noise that he heard coming from behind him. It sounded like a fast rhythmic clicking as it came nearer. A sort of clip, clop, clip, clop..

"Hello, number four." a familiar voice sounded, and the scientist turned around for yet another daily distraction. What he had expected was the lone lunar diviner just steps away. Instead, the scarred lunatic, with his flowing blue hair, was perched atop a large animal. He sat balanced on the back of a beautiful, bright purple-colored horse with a long horn sticking out from its head. A... unicorn...? The large mammal whinnied happily at him. Vexen was dumbstruck, shocked silent.

Eventually, he collected himself. "Okay... May I ask why you are on a unicorn?" he asked Saix, who appeared as apathetic as usual, as though nothing was strange with this picture.

"My darling princess has ordered me to. To add, her highness has told me to retrieve for her a handsome, charming prince." the blue-haired diviner spoke, topaz eyes watching Vexen without emotion, addressing him as he spoke. The scientist only tilted his head in a 'What!?' motion. Understanding, Saix held out his hand toward Vexen. "Come now, great prince, I am the knight that shall bring you to your beautiful princess."

"I-I'm sorry?" Vexen asked, taking the lunatic's hand as he pulled him onto the magenta beast. "Prince? What? I don't even.." he couldn't make himself react, only wrap his arms around the ..er, knight, in order to keep his balance atop the unicorn. "Hold on to me, Prince, you will meet your princess shortly!" Saix shouted almost triumphantly.

Vexen screeched and held the lunar diviner tighter as the unicorn took off running, back towards the rooms and past them. On the way, they galloped majestically past other members, including Xaldin and Axel, whom Vexen noted didn't seem to be at all bothered by the fact that he and Saix were riding a unicorn through the halls.

After the terrifying experience, the horse gave another happy whinny as the three emerged at the Altar of Naught. "There," Saix whispered dreamily, "There is your princess." he finished with a soft smile, looking out onto the altar. Vexen looked where Saix seemed to be. Sure enough, standing there appeared to be a woman in a beautiful pink, white-frilled gown and magenta cap, with a silver tiara and jewels to top it off. She had long, silvery white hair, but Vexen couldn't see her face as she was facing away, staring at the heart shape in the sky, Kingdom Hearts.

"Farewell, prince, and please end the story happily with your princess." Saix told him, very quickly kissing Vexen's cheek before gently pushing him off of the equine beast. "...What the hell." Vexen repeated, shivers running down his spine as he jumped off the horse. "Farewell!" Saix shouted this time, urging the unicorn to taking a running leap off of the Altar of Naught. The last thing Vexen saw of him was the horse's purple tail flicking over the edge.  
Sighing, he decided that he should at least see what Saix went through all of that trouble for. Getting a unicorn and whatnot. He approached the princess, who hadn't moved at all from her position. "Hello?" Vexen asked her, and in response, she turned to face him.  
Vexen went deathly pale upon seeing 'her' face. The princess's skin was dark, and 'she' had threatening, orange eyes. Far, far too familiar eyes.

"...S-Superior?" Vexen stuttered, taking a step away from his leader(Who had made a very convincing woman from behind!). He was frightened, mostly because he had no reason to visit the Superior, but also because of Xemnas's interesting choice of clothing today. The leader's eyes softened upon seeing Vexen, which scared the scientist further.

"Oh, there you are, my handsome prince." The Superior's deep voice said happily as he approached Vexen, setting a hand daintily on the scientist's chest. Vexen couldn't react, just paralyzed in utter fearful confusion. He was visibly trembling, his hands shaking, and his eyes glancing every which way except in a path that would meet the Superior's eyes. "Darling, you're shaking." Xemnas commented worriedly. As though he thought it might help, he leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly against Vexen's, giving the scientist a soft kiss as he wrapped his arms around him. Vexen whimpered, finally reacting, pulling away and stepping out of the leader's arms, shivering even more. Xemnas frowned. "Is something wrong, dear?"

Before Vexen could break into a tirade about everyone's strange behavior, a sound of a throat clearing erupted from the stairway, attracting Vexen and Xemnas's attention. Standing there was the blonde key of destiny, blue eyes set into a nasty glare towards the Superior. He was holding the feet of two people, which Vexen soon concluded to be an unconscious Demyx and Xigbar. He must've dragged the two up with him.

Roxas let go of their feet, letting them fall to the ground, limp, before he held out one hand, summoning a white mist that quickly formed into a keyblade. He continued to glare at Xemnas, leaving Vexen glancing between the two in confusion, until the boy spoke.  
"Stay, away, from, my, VEXY!" Roxas screeched, dashing forward to lunge at the princess with his key. Xemnas dodged the attack with ease, calling out for his handsome prince to protect him, but what he didn't realize is that his prince was already running for the stairs while he was distracted. Vexen tripped over the unconscious forms of Demyx and Xigbar, shouting and tumbling head-first down the stairs. He seemed to roll on and on for minutes before finally coming to a painful stop at the bottom of the stairs. He groaned in pain, rubbing his head as he attempted to open his eyes.

Oddly, he wasn't at all surprised to have the first thing he saw be a bright, blue rabbit. Next to it was a younger, mint-green one, and there appeared to be two black-clothed feet next to both of them. He lifted his head to see just who it might have been.

Of course, it was the terrifying blonde whose entire body crackled with demented electricity. She held a bright red rabbit in her arms, as well as balancing a violet one on her shoulder. "It looks like you fell, Vexy, dear." she commented with that same, sadistic cruel voice. It made him shudder. "Not much of a surprise, compared to the rest of what's been going on..." he muttered, quickly managing to sit up. Larxene knelt next to him, holding out the fiery-colored rabbit. "Pet him." She smiled. Vexen shook his head. "I don't like furry critters." he said simply.

Suddenly, the neophyte jumped closer, half-cuddling the scientist and slamming the rabbit into his face in the process. Vexen shouted in protest, muffled by the creature's thick fur. "Just pet it!" she yelled in his ear, making him cry out in pain and reach up to pet at the rabbit on his face. Larxene then pulled the rabbit away, setting it in Vexen's lap as she cuddled closer to the scientist, softly nuzzling at his neck. The ice-elemental leaned away, trying to move his arm into the way between them, but the neophyte only pulled him closer. "What are you doing!" Vexen asked in a shout as she grabbed his shoulder and pinned it to the wall he had sat against.

"Vexy.. I just want you to know that I love you more than anyone else here, mk, darling?" she replied, planting a sudden light kiss on his throat. Vexen growled, giving up all gentleness as he shoved the lightning-user away and stood up. It was time, yet again, for his tirade.

"What the hell is wrong with everyone today!? I woke up in a dress with ducks, everyone seems to call me 'Vexy' today, Xemnas is up there dressed like a princess, Saix is riding a unicorn everywhere and Demyx and Xigbar sang me a love song, Roxas apparently went psycho and killed them for it!" he shouted, glaring at Larxene.

"And now you're here with rabbits, trying to cuddle with me and claiming that you apparently love me... You can't love me! You, nor Xigbar or Xemnas or Roxas or Demyx or anyone! And I can't love any of YOU. I don't have a heart, you don't have a heart, no one here does. That literally says we cannot love. By all means, we can feel lust, which I imagine YOU do quite well, but I sincerely doubt that feeling is felt by Roxas or Demyx, and especially not towards me." he finished off, kicking the now-depressed neophyte away and heading toward the doorway.

"If you'll even let me, I have a potion to get to." Vexen growled, walking off yet again towards his laboratory. In all honesty, he doubted that he would get there without yet another distraction. And he was correct. Angrily turning a corner, he ran into someone whose face ended up buried in his chest before they bounced backward. Vexen looked down, not quite caring who it was, but curious nevertheless.

Of course, it was the black-haired puppet that the key of destiny had been looking for earlier, looking up at him with apologetic blue eyes. Please don't tell me the puppet thinks she's fallen for me. Vexen thought, worried about that even being a possibility. He held out his hand to help her back up, and she took it silently, watching the ice-elemental's frustrated gaze. "Is something wrong, Vexy?"

Vexen snapped.  
"YES." he shouted furiously at her, breaking out into a sprint away from her, running to his lab in hopes of reaching it so that he could lock himself in for a few days and calm down. He was stopped by the sudden appearance of two new faces blocking his way down the hallway. Or, rather, one new face and one old face. The old face belonged to, of course, the key of destiny. The newer face was terrified and backing away from the blonde; a shorty with a head full of dull blue hair, the cloaked schemer.

It took a minute of comprehension for Vexen to get why Zexion seemed so afraid.

Roxas had taken on a gruesome appearance after his battles with Xemnas, Demyx, and Xigbar. His cloak was stained over with dark red blood, tattered and ripped apart in some places. The red liquid was also spread across his face, marking and dotting about his eyes and cheeks. His mouth was bloodied as well, but the scarier feature was that it was locked into a maniacal, psychotic grin that Vexen could just tell was from the pleasure of his enemy's screams.

In Roxas's bloodstained hands was an even stranger weapon; a chainsaw.

The scientist was a little taken aback, watching the boy as he noticed Vexen.

"Oh, Vexy! Zexion was just telling me about how he loved you..." Roxas said, a pair of maddened blue eyes turning to look at the cloaked schemer before returning to his true love. "But he can't have you... NO one can have you, because you're mine, aren't you, Vexy?" he asked slyly, taking a few steps closer to Zexion. The illusionist trembled. "Anyone who might separate Vexy and I will die..eheh.." the blonde chuckled, quickly switching on his saw and stepping closer to the schemer.

Vexen was, once again, terrified into paralysis. He clamped his eyes shut just as he saw Roxas lunge forward, and kept them closed tight even as he heard the agonizing screams of the illusionist, slowly becoming drowned out by the whirring of the saw and the maniacal laughter of the key of destiny. Eventually the screams stopped and saw quieted down, leaving Vexen's ears filled with the sound of a laughing blonde.

Soon, silence fell.

Vexen took a deep breath, and opened his eyes.

Just in front of him was the key of destiny, smiling happily up at him despite the blood-coated appearance. "See? Nothing can keep us apart, Vexy." the boy said happily, licking at a spot of the schemer's blood at the corner of his mouth.

"T-there is no way in hell I'd be with you." Vexen replied shakily, mentally disturbed by what he knew had just happened. Roxas frowned. "You don't want us to be together?"

Vexen shook his head in reply.

"Oh," the boy looked away, glancing at the chainsaw still in his hands, "So.. Vexy's separating me from him.." he muttered. Vexen tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, taking a step back? "Yes?" he approved of Roxas's statement.

"Anything that separates Vexy and I will die." Roxas repeated. He switched on the saw again, the same sadistic grin returning to his blood-stained face.

Vexen immediately frowned as he realized what the boy meant.

"If you do anything, I-" the scientist was cut off by his own bloodcurdling scream as the saw was thrust into his torso, his own blood spraying out into a gory mess, drenching the boy in yet another coat of red. Painfully unable to control himself, just trying to get the saw away, Vexen slammed his own hand towards the chainsaw, resulting in said hand being ripped clean off of his body and jerking the saw painfully into him. A tired, painful blackness was slowly closing in on the scientist, until it eventually came.

He was left in the black, numb and paralyzed, only able to hear the key of destiny's very out-of-character final comment. "Now I can be with you forever..."

Vexen woke up with a scream, shooting straight upward in his dark bedroom. He slammed a mouth over his own hand to cut himself off, for fear of having woken up his partner. Sure enough, the man that lay next to him stirred suddenly and sat up, blue eyes watching the scientist, who looked down to him.

"Are you alright?" the pink-haired man asked, with an apathetic tone that felt as if he didn't really care all that much. Vexen forced his heavy breath to calm down as he lied back down, rolling over to turn away from the graceful assassin. "Y-yeah. Horrible dream." he commented with a deep breath. He heard the assassin chuckle.

"Can't get much worse than what's been happening lately."

Vexen rolled back over. "What do you mean?" he asked.

The flower-scented man only stared at him, "You know, that thing with Roxas?" Vexen shook his head, he had no idea about anything with Roxas. "About how he's trying to use a chainsaw in place of a keyblade?"

Vexen's eyes widened, and the whole Castle was woken up to the scientist's terrified scream.


	2. Roxas and his Poetry

I do not approve.

This is what happens when my friend, a Roxas, writes a love poem to me, a Vexen, after having read this story.

* * *

Love Sawed in Two

Spinning, spinning, on and on,

Like a loud, bloody song,

The sounds of shrieks and the sounds of tears,

Will not keep me from you, my dear.

Cutting, cutting, loud and clear,

With your face stained with fear,

Of you, I'll keep every piece,

And put them together, nice and neat.

Faster, faster, I take your soul,

And let your body pay the toll,

Now you, who is loved by all,

Will love me, and my saw.


End file.
